New drugs, a PDA, and a challenge

So I’ve been put on new drugs, Lyrica. And we have upped the dosage of my CipraLex. 

So far the only side effect of coming off of gabapentin, is the fact that my arms hurt so bad. My right shoulder, and my elbows are tender, very sore in general.

So that’s the only side effect of coming off the gabapentin it seems. I have only taken three doses of my Lyrica so far, and the only side effect of that so far is lightheaded and dry mouth at night so far. I’ve only taking two doses at night, and one dose in the morning so far. 

The headache I had yesterday I’m not sure if it was from the Lyrica or if I was just getting a headache. But it hurt bad. It’s been a while since I had a solid headache, so I can’t say whether it was the drugs or other was just the fact that I didn’t drink enough water yesterday.

And the PDA… provincial disability assessment. I have no medical coverage, I have some assets set aside, but since I made X number of dollars last year, the government thinks I have money. I’m hoping at least to get assistance in paying for my medication and an exemption from paying medical premiums, I have no issue paying them when I’m working, but I have made $0 aside from EI coverage this year. If Lyrica works, it’s expensive. If I can get a small income, even just a couple hundred bucks would help at this point. It would assist in paying my insurance and my car payments and pills.

 Not to mention the fact that I’m still on CipraLex and birth control. And if I get an appointment with the psychiatrist, possibly sleeping meds to help me try and sleep through the night. Because I’m still waking up, 4 AM, 6 AM, regardless of what time I fell asleep. Last night was a lot of interruptions because of my partner, he couldn’t sleep so it was tough because he turned on the TV and it woke me up. Not to mention this morning at 4 AM one of our cats decided it was going to defend our house from a cute furry little black cat that comes around every once in a while. 

We don’t have a cat door, so it was literally outside hanging out on the windowsill, and my cat went “smack smack smack smack” on the window, which to a sleep deprived mind, sounds like someone knocking on the window. And of course my partner doesn’t hear it or doesn’t register, where my mind goes: dear fuck what is it did we forget a cat outside, is someone trying to get in the house, is someone in the house…

As for the challenge, I’ve technically already failed it LOL. The goal was to stay off Facebook and other forms of social media until after 6 PM, every day. Really all today did was hammer home exactly how addicted to social media I am. I didn’t even realize I was on Facebook, until about five minutes after logging into it. My phone buzzed, a friend had commented on the video I shared, so I responded.

And then I started scrolling through Facebook. So yes, I am addicted to social media. Part of it is definitely due to the fact that it makes me feel a little more connected to the outside world, especially when my anxiety is high and I’m too scared to even go stand on my own porch. But at the same time it’s not helping me get any better just being on Facebook and social media.

So instead of pinning all these things I want to do on Pinterest, sharing things I am making on Instagram and Twitter, browsing Facebook 10 times in a day because someone might’ve updated with something interesting, I am actually going to sit and do at least 20 different things this month. I made up a list of things that I could do instead of social media, some of them are simple like read. I have a dozen, 18 books that I bought either full price from Chapters or the authors, or secondhand at the local thrift store that I need to read. Other things include sewing a small simple pattern, writing a page a day, or in my case speaking a page a day (seriously, speech to text is my saviour when it comes to my disability.) painting a picture, crocheting a toy, crocheting catnip toys to sell at our local market etc. etc.

The life audit for my prior posting really put in perspective all the things I want to get done. And I could get a lot of them done within the next year if I just focused. So that’s the aim. Is to just fill my time with actual physical things to do, not virtual things to do. I am even banning myself from Bejeweled before 6pm! That game was a great time filler if my hands hurt too much to do anything. But in reality that 25 minutes half hour that I spend on the game, I could be using to write a paragraph for a story. Or planning my next sewing project. Or reading. All of those are way more beneficial than a digital game.

My punishment for going on Facebook before 6 PM, I have to go for a walk around the block. I have already had to go for a walk around the block. I am holding myself accountable. If I managed to get through the entire month without too serious of slip ups or complete abandonment of the challenge, then I will spend the money to get my hair done in a rainbow or oil slick set of colors.

Assuming I have the money in order to do so. If not it might be something simpler like getting a new paintbrush or a book about writing that I’ve been looking at. 

I’m trying to come up with rewards that are things that I would normally not do, or purchase for myself unless it’s a special occasion. Even for my birthday this month, I don’t know what I’m going to buy myself, I already bought two things that I really wanted and needed to buy otherwise they would not be available, but all I really want for my birthday is my hands and arms to be functioning. That would be the best birthday present ever.

OK this is starting to turn into a ramble, but I’m not deleting everything I wrote. If you made it this far, thanks for reading πŸ™‚

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